Embracing laziness

Finally I seem to be able to do it to embrace laziness and to lie in bed until 11am; sit on the sofa reading magazines and not have the urge to tidy up! This is good and I'm not feeling guilty - well not too much... There are still emails to catch up, books to read, phone calls to make but they will always be there in some form or another. There are still goals to define and achieve but for now I have to focus on one goal...having a baby.

Went to my first baby sale today. It was weird queuing up with all the other mums and dads with offspring in various shapes and sizes. Once inside it was like a glorified jumble sale only worse as there were no old ladies, just mums with pushchairs. One mum was walking around ramming the wheels into people's feet, apologising and then doing the same thing all over again. The stuff on sale was quite expensive considering it was second hand. There were some nice clothes but then I couldn't help thinking 'how many times has that been washed or been sick on?' The same for most of it really. If babies weren't such messy things it would be alright. I also saw the odd book like 'The Pregnancy Bible but I'm almost done with that. It's what comes next and the NHS website seemed quite good for advice. I think I need 'The New mums Bible' but not sure anyone has written that!

What was strangest of all about the sale though was I felt I was entering into a new hitherto unknown world and I'm not sure I liked it very much. A works of pushy women and kids lying on the floor. Of strange clothes and equipment.  I began to see where my life was going and it was hard to focus on the positives when I walked past bars of people sitting drinking and relaxing on a Saturday - would I ever be able to join the world again? 

And suddenly I felt selfish for dragging my husband back into that world when he was just about to leave it behind. But then I had been left alone when he spent time with his kids when I could have chosen someone with no kids and spent all the time with them and enjoyed a lot more financial  stability, I guess these are the compromises you make when you fall in love.